


born in blood, i'm not like you.

by protect_rosie



Category: Baseball RPF
Genre: Abusive Relationships, M/M, semi-au, semi-au??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-15
Updated: 2015-02-15
Packaged: 2018-03-12 23:43:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3359702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/protect_rosie/pseuds/protect_rosie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>When Shelby showed up with bruises on his neck, or that one time when he showed up to pitchers’ bp with a dark purple bruise under his left eye, no one asked. Deep down no one wanted to confirm the suspicions that they’ve been having for the past year. They didn’t want to confirm the fact that their friend was in some sort of relationship with someone that didn’t see him the way that they saw him.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	born in blood, i'm not like you.

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [If I Could Save You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2493533) by [troshby](https://archiveofourown.org/users/troshby/pseuds/troshby). 



> I realize that it's going to take me roughly two months or three to write the second part, but I promise that it'll be worth it. thanks for reading!!  
> title from _Dark Passenger_ by Motionless in White on their album _Reincarnate_.

Nobody knew it, and no one dared to ask. It was something that ate him up on the inside but at the same time something he did not want to share with anyone. When Shelby showed up with bruises on his neck, or that one time when he showed up to pitchers’ bp with a dark purple bruise under his left eye, no one asked. Deep down no one wanted to confirm the suspicions that they’ve been having for the past year. They didn’t want to confirm the fact that their friend was in some sort of relationship with someone that didn’t see him the way that they saw him. It really hurt everyone that one of their own had to be going through something like that. 

No one knew that Shelby was in an (all kinds of) abusive relationship with a boy named Jeremiah, and that he had been for the past year. Despite all of the things Jeremiah made Shelby go through, Shelby thought that Jeremiah still loved him. Sometimes Shelby didn’t really know why he was still in that relationship, other times it was so clear. It was so clear because Jeremiah was so sweet, so attentive to Shelby’s needs that Shelby didn’t care to think twice about what the next day would be like. Other days, he would go to bed hungry because he didn’t want to interrupt Jeremiah and his friends (because they’d just had a huge argument). Their days had no in betweens, they always stood on one side of the spectrum - either they acted really sweet and nice to each other or Jeremiah would scream in Shelby’s face and tell him that he was worthless. 

Truth was, Shelby was tired of being alone. He felt that no one would “love” him like Jeremiah did. Shelby was afraid that he would spend the rest of his life alone, and that was one of his biggest fears, being alone. He tried really hard to care for his appearance (for Jeremiah) but it was getting really hard when the boy always told him that he was too fat or that he was wearing hideous clothes or that he just simply didn’t look good enough to be with someone like him. 

It may have sounded harsh to anyone else, but Shelby was actually really relieved when Jeremiah was arrested. The older man was out drinking with friends and they nearly beat a man to death. Not only that, but all of them had been caught with at least a gram of cocaine - that meant some jail time. Ten years. At that point, Shelby started to not give two shits about what he looked like or anything else of the sort. He was just so fucking drained that it didn’t really matter anymore, he had no one to look good for. He let his hair grow, his beard too. He only shaved it when he knew the press was going to be buzzing around more than usual. He stopped eating like he used to as well - when he was hungry, he just drank. He drank until he felt he was going to pass out and then called Kevin.

Kevin was always there when Shelby needed him. He was there when Shelby met Jeremiah, and he was there when news broke that Jeremiah was convicted. He was there when Shelby called him when he was having a crisis, or when he just needed someone to be there for him. Before Shelby knew it, Kevin was falling for him. Kevin felt really guilty about it, he didn’t want to feel like he was taking advantage of Shelby while he was down, it made him feel so wrong. Still, loving Shelby as more than a friend was something Kevin couldn’t help but do. 

A cold October afternoon, one right after the Cardinals’ season had ended, Kevin found himself lying on his bed, his feelings eating him alive. He had to tell someone about this or it was going to be the end of him. Kevin decided to call Michael and asked him to come over. Michael agreed and said that he would be there as soon as Adam was back with the car. Kevin started pacing the floor, running a hand through his hair, contemplating just how he was going to tell Michael that he loved Shelby as more than a friend. 

Before he knew it, there was a hard knock on the door. He ran down the stairs (almost falling down them in the process) and straightened himself up before actually opening the door. He tried to smile as he let Michael in. Michael noticed that Kevin seemed a bit nervous and asked if everything was okay. Being as stubborn as Kevin was, he denied any nervousness that was apparent on his face. 

Michael grabbed Kevin by the shoulders and looked into his eyes, “I’ve known you for a while now, don’t lie to me. What’s wrong?”

“I.. I, just, oh god, Michael,” Kevin said, looking away. “I think I’m in love with someone. Someone that I’m not supposed to be in love with.”

“It’s Shelby, isn’t it?”

“Wh-what are you talking about? I didn’t even mention a name, and you’re already speculating.”

“It’s so obvious that legend has it your face is next to the definition of obvious in the dictionary.”

Kevin backed away from Michael, Michael’s hands letting go of Kevin. He sat down on the couch behind them as Michael followed. Kevin ran his hands through his hair a couple of times before finally speaking up again. 

“How do you know? Are you the only one that knows or are there others?”

“Well, so far the only ones that know for sure are Adam, Descalso, Westbrook, Carpenter - both Chris and Matt - and Jay. Oh, and Yadi does too, for sure. He came up to me after that argument you and Shelby had right before the break and said it sounded an awful lot like you and Shelby liked each other. I think the rest of the team knows, but they don’t really want to get too much into something they're not absolutely sure about,” Michael replied. “And Adam and I started speculating when you came over to our place after Shelby had gone home with Jeremiah. It kind of really clicked for everyone else when you started acting out of character, even for you. You’re always quiet and reserved, but after Shelby started seeing Jeremiah, you were even more than usual.”

“Do you think Shelby knows?”

“Oh yeah, he knows, I think he just doesn’t realize it yet. I mean he’s just so caught up with the whole Jeremiah going to jail thing, I think it’s taking his thoughts up. He’s going to be without the guy for ten years, and whether that’s going to be a good or bad thing, we have yet to find out. I mean seriously - no offense to you - but you are like the worst advice giver ever, yet he still chooses to call you in the oddest hours of the night because he can’t wrap his head around something or whatever. Seriously? He loves you and you love him too,” Michael announced. “You being you, getting up at the oddest hours of the night just because he called you, I mean come on! The way you fucking look at him or how long you hug him for, it’s the same way Adam and I do those things. Anyone with the slightest sense of human emotion has the ability to see that you and Shelby are heads over heels in love with each other.”

Kevin blushed, turning his gaze to the shut off tv. He and Michael spoke for a bit longer before Michael got a call from Adam telling him that the baby was awake and wouldn’t stay still. Kevin walked Michael to the door and waved him off, sighing after Michael had driven off and he had closed the door. 

*

The next morning, Kevin got into his car and sighed. He wasn’t so sure that this - seeing Shelby this early in the morning to finally confess his feelings - was the right thing to do. After his talk with Michael and an examination of his thoughts, Kevin wasn’t so sure that this was in Shelby’s best interest. He was still shocked (from what Kevin had gathered from the late night calls Shelby made more and more often now that he was alone) from Jeremiah being imprisoned. He didn’t want to put any pressure on Shelby, he didn’t want him to feel like he was obligated to feel the same way Kevin felt about him. Kevin didn’t want Shelby to feel rushed and say something that he didn’t really feel. He just wanted to hear Kevin out and then think about it, do whatever he pleased with Kevin’s ‘information.’

Kevin finally buckled up and started his car, backing out of his driveway, out of the street and onto the open road. There seemed to be more cars out than usual, but it was all okay with Kevin. More cars meant that it would take more time to get to Shelby’s house, which meant more time to think about how he was going to handle things. Kevin bit his lip as the image of Shelby’s beautiful face flashed into his mind - the way his eyes lit up when he spoke about all the things he loved or the way they would grow dark when he pitched well and still got a no decision. Kevin could never forget how Shelby couldn’t stop smiling the day he pitched that no hitter, the first one of his career. Or how he laughed and smiled when he hit his first big league home run. 

He finally arrived at Shelby’s house, one he used to share with Jeremiah. He got out of his car and very slowly made his way to the front step. Kevin sighed before he knocked, and to his surprise, the door was open. He rolled his eyes, because this, this was so Shelby. He was always so trusting of everyone, even those he didn’t know. He made his way up the stairs (after he made sure the door was locked) where he heard the shower water running. 

“Shelby?” Kevin called, looking into the spare bedroom, and then moving along. “Shelby, where are you?”

Kevin finally arrived at a door (one at the end of the hallway) where there seemed to be singing going on. It was Shelby. He seemed to be humming and singing along to what seemed like Since U Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson. It was the cutest thing Kevin had ever heard, not only was Shelby way off key, but it seemed like he was trying really hard, which broke Kevin’s heart a little. Kevin decided not to startle Shelby, so he sat down on the bed, where he would wait until Shelby got out of the shower. 

It would only be a short amount of time before Shelby was out of the shower. He turned the knobs left to cut off the water. He exited and wrapped a clean, red towel around his waist and headed for the door. It was safe to say, Shelby was more than surprised when he saw Kevin sitting on the bed he used to share with Jeremiah. 

“What.. how did you get in here?” Shelby asked, placing his hands on his waist, right above where the towel began.

“I, uh, the door was open,” Kevin said.

He began to feel a bit flustered. Sure, he’d seen Shelby almost naked before, but it had never been like this. Before, he hadn’t realized how he felt about him. And it’s as if it was better back then because then he wouldn’t be giving Shelby the once over and probably making the younger man uncomfortable. 

“Fuck, I, uh, I thought I had closed it. What are you doing here anyway?”

“I was coming over to invite you to breakfast, maybe lunch at this point, but whatever. I need to talk to you about some things.”

“Oh yeah sure, I was just going to go see Jeremiah at the prison.”

“Dude,” Kevin said, not meaning to sound so dry. “Why are you even going to see him? He’s in jail, he can’t hurt you anymore.”

“Who told you he was the one that hurt me? Jeremiah didn’t hurt me, he would never do something like that to someone he loved. Get your facts straight before you start talking about something you clearly know nothing about.”

And holy shit, did that feel like the ever loving god had been punched out of him. It felt like Shelby had punched the air out of Kevin’s lungs because holy fuck, he did not expect the younger man to defend the piece of shit that was Jeremiah. It was clear to see that it was in fact Jeremiah the one that had been treating Shelby to all those bruises. No one, not even his own mom, had ever seen any type of bruises that resembled anything close to the ones that began to show up on Shelby’s body after he started seeing Jeremiah. 

“Alright. I, uh, I’m-”

“And the next words out of your mouth better be ‘I’m sorry’ because you don’t know what you were talking about. Don’t you dare trash-talk Jeremiah in front of me again or I swear I will punch you in the goddamn throat.”

“Yeah, I’m, uh, I’m sorry.”

Kevin mumbled a couple of more indistinguishable words before he left the room. He didn’t even bother waiting for Shelby in the living room, Kevin just left in a hurry. It was horrible because he knew he should have chosen his words more carefully, but most of all, he knew that he was right. It didn’t matter though, what is done, is done. He knew that Shelby would have to deal with the fact that Jeremiah was in jail now, and would be there for the next ten years. 

So Kevin went back home. He went up to his room and shut off the world. Everyone. He lied down on his bed, closed his eyes, and drifted off to a restless sleep. Kevin felt that being asleep was better than being awake, because then he wouldn’t have to deal the world. He wouldn’t have to deal with things that hurt him. He wouldn’t have to deal with feelings. The only good thing that ever came from being awake was when he would be at the ballpark, whether it be Busch Stadium or any other.

It would be a while before Kevin woke up again, nine hours to be exact. Kevin had gone to sleep at around 9 in the morning, and by the time he woke up it was six, so his stomach grumbling was the first sound he heard. Probably should get some dinner, he thought. There was nothing in the fridge, if he recalled correctly, so that mean he would have to go out and get food. Kevin cringed at the thought, he didn’t really feel like going out, but he had to get some food (he hadn’t eaten all day) so he had to make a sacrifice. 

“What did I ever do to deserve this?” Kevin asked himself. “I’m a good person, I play ball just like the rest of them. I don’t yell at the waiting staff. I’m nice, I don’t scream a whole lot. I try to keep my ego in check, there’s not a lot that I do wrong except maybe care a bit too much for some people - cough, Shelby, cough.”

Kevin got off his bed, feeling around for his phone. There were three missed calls and a couple of messages - both voicemail and text - all from the same person. He groaned, not wanting to see any of the messages right now. Instead, he exited his room and made his way down the stairs. He grabbed his car keys off the top the coffee table and walked out the door (not without making sure it was locked, he didn't want to make the same mistake as Shelby). He drove to the nearest diner, the one that made his favorite stirred fried rice with the chicken and beef and the awesome shrimp. As per usual, when Kevin walked in, he greeted the waiting staff and the cooks, going to sit in his favorite spot on the counter. 

“What may I get you today, Kevin honey?” Polly (the middle aged lady that reminded him an awful lot of his mom) asked him, placing a cup of water in front of him. 

“Just the usual, Polly,” he replied with a smile, before taking a sip of his water. “Make it to eat in today, okay?”

“To what do we owe this honor of you staying in today?"

"I don't want to be alone at home today. Plus, I wanted to see your beautiful face before the workouts begin."

Polly blushed, giving the cook the order. She and Kevin had a nice chat about how she had always wanted to see him pitch in the bigs. Polly had never had the opportunity because she was stuck in this mediocre job that didn't allow for many days off. Polly was the one that basically took Kevin in after his mom died in that tragic car accident back in '04. She had followed his career all the way to the show and it was sad that she had never gotten to see him pitch. 

"You know what Polly," Kevin said, more of a statement than a question. "St. Louis is playing a nine road games series and I want you to come with me."

"Oh honey, I would love to, but you know I can't leave this job. I have nothing else."

"Nonsense, Polly, you have me. You've supported and followed me all the way to the show, it's time I gave back. I'm making a million this next year, I can give you an apartment and some pocket money. You can work if you want but you can also chose to retire."

"Oh honey," Polly whispered, coming around the counter and hugging Kevin so hard it nearly took his breath away. "You don't need to do this."

"But I want to," Kevin smiled. "So is that a yes, or a no?"

"It's a yes."

*

It was pretty late at night and Kevin was a bit pissed. All he wanted was to go to sleep, he was just so tired. He had a long talk with Polly at the diner and then driven home, taken a shower, and watched a movie. Now, as he was finally falling asleep, there had to be a knock on the goddamn door. He grumbled as he made his way down the stairs, muttering curse words under his breath.

Kevin put on his best fake smile before opening the door, “You know it’s a little late to be knocking on someone’s door.”

“Hey,” Shelby said as he pushed through Kevin. “Sorry to bother you this late. I.. I just couldn’t go to sleep. I wanted to apologize.”

“There’s nothing to apologize for, I guess I overstepped my boundaries a bit.”

“No, no, it wasn’t.. I was, uh, I was just nervous about seeing Jeremiah at the prison today. He, uh, he sent me a message with one of his friends last night, a nasty one, so I had to go see him today.”

“Did he threaten you?”

“Uh, yeah, sort of,” Shelby said, as he walked around the couch and sat on it. “Listen can we not talk about him now? I was coming to talk to you.”

“What about?”

“Can I stay with you for a few days? Or at least let me stay with you until the season starts again, yeah? I’m just.. just really scared. I don’t want none of Jeremiah’s friends finding me.”

“Oh shit, yeah, you stay here as long as you need. Do you want me to go with you to the house to get your stuff?”

“I.. I brought it with me today. Wasn’t sure if you were gonna let me stay here.”

Kevin frowned and said, “You’re my friend, no matter how many stupid things either of us may say, or how many fights or arguments we may have, I’ll never refuse to help you out.”

“Thank you,” Shelby said smiling, which made Kevin's heart flutter. 

“Uh, have you gotten anything to eat?”

“Yeah, I got something on my way here. Thank you.”

*

Kevin and Shelby spent the rest of the night talking about nonsense, and they were so caught up in whatever that they fell asleep next to each other on the couch. When Kevin woke up, he felt a heavy weight on his hand. He turned to his right and saw that it was Shelby’s head laying there. He smiled and lied his head back into the couch, thinking to himself how funny Shelby looked. He didn’t want to wake him up so he decided that he was going to wait until Shelby woke up. Thankfully for him, Shelby would be up within a few minutes.

“Holy shit,” Shelby said, wiping at his mouth with his right hand. “I’m sorry about that.”

“No need to be sorry, I guess we just fell asleep while we were talking or something. Uh, so do you know how long you’re going to be staying here? Not that I don’t love having you over, but, I don’t have an extra bed.”

“Just until the season starts again. Hopefully this’ll die down after the season’s over, and then Jeremiah’s friends won’t bother me or anything.”

“Sure thing.”


End file.
